June 2012 Birchbox

Okay, okay. So I did say that posting YouTube videos doesn't actually count as posting. But you're not my Mom, so I am going to post this video anyway instead of a real post.

Boy that screencap sure looks awkward. Can you believe that's the one I picked to use? I thought I looked sassy but I kind of look drunk.

Anyway kids, here's the breakdown:

THE GOODS:

- theBalm Stainiac: Despite my complete and total inability to pronounce this like a normal literate person, I like this product so far. I was super nervous about smearing it all over my face like a clean version of Ke$ha but it went alright. It will require some more experimentation, that's for sure.

- Eyeko Fat Eye Stick: This is not an eyeliner. I repeat: NOT. AN. EYELINER. I tried to use it as a eyeliner because directions are for people who like to do things right the first time. I ended up looking like a raccoon but luckily it was an easy fix. I then used it properly - drew it along the upper lash line and then smudged with my finger and it turned out much better. Totally a short-cut to the smoky eye.

- Likewise Facial Moisturizer + Sun Protectant SPF 50 Normal To Oily: Haven't tried this yet. I will update you when I do.

- Comodynes Self-Tanning Intensive: "You are soooo pale!" is hopefully what people will stop saying to me after I use this.  I have used similar products before so I have high hopes. Here's to not having them dashed on the pavement like a Jack'O'Lantern (get it? Cause I'd be orange? Pure comedy gold here, let me tell you.)


THE EXTRA(S)

- tili Bags small in Orange and Lime: This is a quart-sized plastic bag that is pretty. It's the right size for the airplane thought I can sort of foresee getting some BS from the TSA because it's not see-through. I am forever flying into small airports and being hassled by TSA, likely because I am the worst packer in the world. Last time I got my sneakers scanned because they were on top of deodorant. I don't know, guys. This is my life.

- John Varvatos Star U.S.A. or, In Which Birchbox reminds me I am single as fuck. Did I tell you there will be swearing on this blog? There is going to be swearing on this blog. This is a men's cologne and I'm supposed to give to my "man." The only men in my life are Ben and Jerry (and, creepily apparently, Ryan Reynolds, who klout says is one of my influential topics. I must tweet about him a lot. Sorry, Ryan. I know you get embarrassed about internet stuff). Maybe I will give this to my roommate, but I could just wear it like the last time I accidentally got a cologne sample.

I got box #9, which according to OiiO on MakeupTalk is worth about $27. Certainly not bad for a $10 investment. Or an $9.16 investment because I have a yearly membership, which obviously means I am saving money. Right guys? Right?